I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
