He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
