one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
