im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
