Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
