This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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