There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
