did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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