Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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