Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
