i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
