when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
