The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
