We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
