you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
