1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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