Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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