sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i think my cat just said my name.
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