Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
