Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
