i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
