Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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