bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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