It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
