Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
