does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
