new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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