Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
