Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
