i just google imaged poop.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Randomize
