my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
