That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
3 2 1 whiskey
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
