If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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