yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
