I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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