either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
