Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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