haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
