Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
