I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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