guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
