I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
the raccoons are back...
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