You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't deserve a penis
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
