I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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