Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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