Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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