Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
