the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
