oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
