I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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