heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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