I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just threw up on my dentist
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
