96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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