I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
